Welcome to How do I do it?series in which we give you a seven-day sneak peek at sex life of a stranger.
This week we hear from Marina*, a 43-year-old bisexual PR executive who is in an open relationship with her husband.
They have been together for 14 years and have a three-year-old daughter together, but decided to open up about their relationship a year ago with a ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ agreement.
“It was my idea, I got tired of little or no sex with James* after our daughter was born – he was the one whose libido took a hit,” says Marina.
James was reluctant to try an open relationship at first, but came around to the idea after they agreed that he wouldn’t need to hear all about Marina’s ‘abuses’.
“Now, it makes him feel less guilty about not having sex with me, and we agree that we get along much better as a result,” she adds. “He’s very busy with work at the moment, so he goes on a casual date, but that’s it.”
But neither Marina nor James is looking for a serious relationship with someone else.
‘I am by chance meeting and since I have a much higher libido than James, I have about five interests at any given time. None are serious and the deal is just for playing partners or dates.’
This arrangement means Marina is having sex around four times a week and she enjoys the ‘multiple partner thrill’.
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“I’d like my sex life to stop and start less, so I’m looking for a consistent play partner rather than just casual dates,” she adds.
So without further ado, here’s how Marina has been this week…
The following sex diary, as you can imagine, is not safe for work.
Thursday
I’m working in my home office, which I moved James out of last year, and I make plans for the weekend, chatting with a striking 24-year-old banker I met on a female-driven dating app called Chypre.
He asked me earlier in the week if he could take me out to dinner and drinks and we’ve had some conversations about who we are sexually ahead of time.
He likes to submit to an older woman just as I like to dominate a younger man. We also both have a pregnancy fetish.
Right now, I’m really enjoying the MILF/younger man vibe. I find that younger guys’ sexual energy matches my libido better, plus I like their general enthusiasm for life.
He is intelligent and kind and I look forward to meeting him on Saturday. I spend the rest of the day playing my PR role, then pick up my daughter from daycare, play with her, and do bedtime.
Friday
I wake up early at 5am before my daughter to have some time to myself before spending the day with her.
I think about texting Jamie*, a guy I’ve seen four or five times for what I consider to be some of the best sex I’ve ever had – he switches it up but mostly dominates me and I can climax five or six times in one evening.
But I’m getting a sinking feeling about it. I texted him on the last two occasions earlier in the week and I don’t feel like trying again. He is looking at all my social media content but not sending messages.
I decided to ignore it, even though I’m really hurt since I felt like we might have developed feelings for each other. I have to stay busy.
That’s okay though, the deal with James is that we expect feelings to arise, but that we won’t act on them in a way that jeopardizes our core relationship.
Saturday
My date for Saturday night cancels because he is sick. Maybe it’s a lie, but that’s okay since I had already made a backup plan with a cute guy I see every now and then.
He is 15 years younger than me, warm, smart and super weird. I go to meet a friend for a few drinks first and end up walking in slightly drunk. He volunteers to come and pick me up, which I appreciate.
In the car, he rests his left hand on my thigh and asks me honest questions about how I’ve been. We go back to him and have wild sex. He is into BDSM and ties me to the bed consensually while he penetrates me. It’s ridiculously good.
I can’t orgasm because of the drinking that always gets in the way, but I really like it. We have a funny chat and a nice hug before I head off to meet some more friends on the way home.
One of them is a new friend, Sam*. 6 feet 3 inches. 26. The spark. The wrong gift. He seems to be flirting with me, which is a new thing, so I lean forward and kiss him.
His ex-girlfriend, who is in the band, is upset by this, but he doesn’t seem to notice. He asks if he can see me the next day.
on sunday
After a late night (I don’t get in until around 5am), I have a long stretch while my husband takes care of our daughter.
Sam texts her asking if I want to meet her for a quiet drink that afternoon. I say yes and negotiate with my husband to go out for a few more hours.
I am the primary caregiver for our daughter during the week, all day Fridays, and on vacations when she is not in daycare, but I still appreciate my husband taking over the load so I can go and have even more fun.
Sam is charming and funny and we have a lovely afternoon together chatting and making out in the back of the pub where the staff let us in. He has to go away for work for a week and we arrange to have sex when he gets back.
I return home around 8:00 p.m. I see Jamie has finally texted after ignoring me for five days. I let him read and go to bed.
Monday
I think Monday will be a much needed sexual rest day, but an ex I haven’t seen in over a year has reappeared and invites me to a hotel late afternoon for a ‘reunion’.
I finish work early and go to meet him. We have frantic ‘Hello Again’ sex, as I tell her about the other people I’ve been seeing. He likes this, and decides to ‘recover’ me, especially with our favorite position – I sit on his lap in front of him with my legs wrapped around him – and climax very intensely.
He doesn’t know, but I faked all the orgasms with him. Sex has always been great, but I realize that I’m actually very comfortable with it, which is why I managed to climax this time.
Satisfied, I drop her off at the hotel after only 40 minutes and head back home to pick her up at daycare and get a good night’s sleep with my daughter, the most important part of my day.
When she is much older, I fully intend to tell her about my open relationship. I want her to know that monogamy, which is traditionally better suited to men, is not the only option, and that happy long-term relationships don’t necessarily have to take the same shape as they did in the beginning.
Tuesday
I’m really tired of all the fuss and settling in for a hard day’s work. In the evenings I spend time with James and our daughter before staying up very late dispatching more new suitors.
One, Roman*, asks me if he can take me out on Saturday. I give it a temporary yes since I’m not inclined to give it a Saturday night right away, but it might as well be the only thing that works this week.
I decided to end up letting Jamie read and send him a cursory reply to “How’s your week?”. He’s immediately prickly, so I call him to play games and he tries to feign confusion.
I tell him it’s not good that his messages have faded over the past two weeks without more direct communication and that he’s been increasingly rude.
He acts like he doesn’t understand so I close the conversation and unfollow him social media. I have a lot more confidence these days than I did 10 years ago and I won’t be treated badly.
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Wednesday
Still exhausted, I invest time in some serious self-care today since I’m not working. I refresh myself with a long shower, and then walk my dog, taking care of the suitors’ messages in between.
A young man who wants to submit to me sexually has asked when we can meet. But neither of us can wait and he’s not prepared to pay for a hotel so we can have a play session. That’s why I say let’s leave it for a while.
Right on my mark, the ex I saw on Monday starts sending snide messages about me taking the day off. I ignore it and remember why I got rid of it the first time. Delete, block, thank me later.
I have never been more sexually confident and comfortable in my own skin than I have been since having a baby. Becoming a mother has allowed me to fully embrace my body and all it can do for me. My open relationship is making this the most sexually satisfying time of my life.
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