“You don’t have to like it, you just have to love it.” I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve heard this clichéd statement from my tired parents after yet another fight with my little sister, Sarah. She is currently on the other side of the world where New statesman it’s not delivered, so I feel safe speaking: being the older sibling is impossible. You have all the responsibility; they get all the attention. I’ve always known this, but it’s nice to have it confirmed by the first child, comedian and now radio presenter Stephen Mangan. “Look at everything from my perspective: that’s a good rule of thumb for life,” he tells his younger sister (and co-host) Anita, describing how he felt when he was suddenly replaced by a new kid.
Anita and my sister may see things differently. The duo’s bickering dynamic is remarkably similar, which is so gratifying Unchosen brothers and sistersa new three-part BBC series that delves into the science of one of our closest yet surprisingly understudied relationships. Our siblings, if we have them, can be in our lives more than anyone else – parents, friends, spouses. We do not choose them and for our formative years we cannot escape them. The patterns we create with them last us long into adulthood – 17 years since I last lived with my sister, she remains remarkably capable of whipping me into insanity in 15 seconds. I have been told that I retain the same talent for him.
Stephen and Anita spend an enjoyable 40 minutes asking Philippa Perry, psychotherapist and author of The book you want everyone you like to read. They explore whether birth order really affects personalities (apparently, older children do LESS smarter – sorry, sister), the role of parental care and expectations and how sibling jealousy can kill us for life or inspire us to be our best selves. Our brothers are a mirror, Perry tells us. How they see us shapes our identity. So Sarah, if you’re reading from Australia, I love you and think you’re phenomenal. But you might want to listen to this radio show.
(Further reading: In our time it is more careful without Melvyn Bragg)
