I forgot about our crazy one night stand – until she got engaged to her brother

Should some secrets remain buried?

This week’s reader is preparing for it marry the man of her dreams.

But a few years ago, she went on a ‘crazy vacation’ with her future sister-in-law and things got a little out of hand.

One ‘badly behaved’ week shouldn’t affect the rest of your life, but are there some facts your partner deserves to know about you?

Read on to hear Laura’s tips, but before you go, take a look last week’s dilemmafrom a woman who recently received an anonymous phone call that changed his life forever.

The problem…

I met my handsome fiancé through his sister, who has been my friend ever since school day. Although I have known him for years, we have only recently come together and after a stormy companionship we have decided to marry this Christmas.

Here is the tricky part. When we left school, my friend and I went to a crazy party Spainwhere we got drunk every night, slept with a lot of guys and generally behaved very badly.

We even got into a wild orgy with some locals and ended up having sex with each other – the one and only time I’ve ever engaged in a lesbian mess.

I can’t say I didn’t like it, but neither of us are gay. We laughed about it the next day and swore to each other to keep our shenanigans a secret.

That was five years ago and neither of us have mentioned it since. You would honestly think it never happened; she ended up married to an older man with two children, and now lives a very conventional life. She even arranges the flowers at their local church!

But now I am engaged to her brother, I feel upset about what we did and I am very afraid that if something goes wrong with our marriage, she will tell him everything.

People think I’m such a beautiful girl, but now I’m ashamed and embarrassed by my terrible behavior at that party.

I’m torn between telling him everything, or keeping quiet and hoping he never finds out.

Tips

Most of us have done things we’d rather forget, especially under the influence of alcohol. What you did as a deserter is ancient history and it didn’t hurt anyone. It wasn’t really ‘horrible behaviour’.

You let your hair down during the holidays, which is exactly what many people do – although admittedly, not always in such an extreme way!

I think you need to relax. Your fear that your friend will betray your secret is almost certainly unfounded. Why would she want to talk about something she’s probably lying about as much as you? I’m sure she would prefer to put those events in the past, where they belong.

The bigger question is whether you should confess to your fiancé anyway. You are under no obligation to tell him chapter and verse of your past sex life, as he is under no obligation to you. Everyone has a story, and oversharing is often a mistake.

You know him well, how do you think he would react? Whether he thinks it’s funny, embarrassing, or trivial is something for you to judge. Either way, if you confess, you need to reassure him that your past is behind you. Emphasize your commitment to the relationship and your desire to move forward together; but remember, once you’ve told him, you can’t ‘tell’ him if he reacts badly.

I think you should talk to your friend about your dilemma before making a decision. After all, you will be open to something that includes her, and she may have one opinion how she would like you to proceed.

Personally, I think some secrets are best kept just that – a secret. If you end up loading and everything goes wrong, email me again.

Laura is a consultant and columnist.

I had sex and meeting dilemma? To get expert advice, send your problem to Laura.Collins@metro.co.uk.

Have a story to share?

Contact by sending email MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.

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